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My mom.
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My absolutely wonderful and awesome, sweet mom.
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There’s so much I wish I could ask you.
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So much I wish I could remember.
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I would love to hear stories of your childhood in Korea.
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And stories of coming to America, learning English, and how it felt to be in a new country.
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I would love to discuss details of your life for better understanding and for knowing you better.
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You bravely and without complaint endured troubles throughout your life,
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From the beginning to the end…and a lot of time in between…
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You did not deserve such sad times.
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But you were gracious throughout it all.
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You respected people and did not gossip about them.
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You refused to complain about your difficulties.
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You had a quiet strength that was unrecognizable from the surface.
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You cherished me as a baby and held me cheek to cheek.
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I wish I could remember those times, but am thankful for a photograph.
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Your pregnancy with me was not planned, and was chaotic.
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I am thankful that you always wanted me and did not think otherwise.
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This time of year really hurts…
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You had good days and bad days; good years and bad years.
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Your relationship with Dad was a rollercoaster ride.
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You married then divorced when I was a toddler.
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You remarried each other when I was 5, then divorced when I was around 10.
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You guys also got together another time after all that!
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There was a definite connection that you shared.
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In a different lifetime or under different conditions, perhaps it would have worked out.
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I don’t remember a lot from my childhood. (But I’m determined to remember more!)
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It’s easier to remember the bad things. The fights. My preference for being with Grandma.
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I want to remember more of the good things.
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I hope there are a lot of good memories; I hope there were a lot of good days for you, Mom.
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I loved your smile.
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You had a beautiful smile!
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You were so very beautiful, with an envious figure at the beach.
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I loved going to the beach with you when I was little.
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I was proud to stand next to you when you remarried Dad.
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You really had a beautiful soul and a beautiful presence.
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I know some things in life did not turn out as you desired.
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I know you did not always feel like your voice would be heard.
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I loved when you would share your thoughts at church;
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I wish I had those moments recorded, to listen to again…
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I miss your voice. I miss your beautiful broken English.
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I miss your lovely and soothing singing voice.
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I am grateful that you loved hearing me sing.
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I am thankful for dreams where we can talk.
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I’m thankful that Melinda and Suzy were able to grow up with you.
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I’m thankful for the amazing grandmother you were, and for your calming gift with babies.
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I’m thankful I was able to know you better in my adulthood.
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I’m thankful for the love that you always had for me, even when I questioned it.
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I’m humbled that you thought I was awesome.
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I will cherish you and your love forever.
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I will always remember the image of us being cheek to cheek—
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When I was toddler, and again, in your last days here on Earth.
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This is the first time (2022) when the days of the week are the same as in 2011.
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Monday night, April 11, is when you told me that you were ready to go.
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I hate that you had pancreatic cancer. You handled it so graciously…
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Each day of the week, you deteriorated more and more…
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Your loving daughters and our husbands were by your side to care for you the last days…
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It hurt so much. The pain of knowing your life here was coming to an end.
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It seemed unfair. You were only 63 and in good health—way too young!
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On Friday, April 15, at 2:30pm, you took your last breath.
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Wow.
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You were at such peace.
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Your daughters, sons-in-law, oldest grandkids, and others, all “happened” to be gathered around you for that last breath.
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How beautiful that was.
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And sorrowful.
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When the hospice nurse came onto our street, not knowing you had just passed, she thought and felt that angels were surrounding our home.
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They were.
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How I wish I could see what you saw!
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How did your soul feel the moment you were free from your dying body?
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The freedom and unconditional love that encompassed you!
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What glimpses or full-view of Heaven did you see and experience?
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I can’t wait to “see” you again someday, my awesome mom!
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I truly love you from the depths of my heart.
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I remember you every day. (Now the tears empathize this for me…)
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For someone so quiet, who was “unseen”, who did not boast her presence—
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You were truly worthy of the honor of having the whole world know you.
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And so, I dedicate and write my musical for you and about you.
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About US.
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Please help guide me in what to share…
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Your story—Our story—needs to be told!
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From pain and misunderstanding comes hope and healing, reconciliation and redemption.
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I hope you will be proud of SeoulToSoulMusical.com—
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Coming sometime in the next few years or so…
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Eleven years missing you now…
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I love you and thank God so much for you!~~Your baby Nina~~cheek to cheek…
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CHEEK TO CHEEK © song for my musical: music pending/in process.
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Lyrics by Nina Castle, 2/2/19. (Lyrics subject to change by Nina.)
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When the day is done,
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And when it has begun,
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And all the time in between—
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There’s nowhere I’d rather be
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Than here with you and me,
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Cheek to cheek, with my baby.
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My child, you don’t know me–
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You don’t know the problems I faced.
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I hide inside since it’s safe.
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I love carefully, sometimes quickly.
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I do my best which is not always best.
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These things are for sure though—
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A better life than mine you will know,
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And I’ll love you the rest of my days
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And whatever comes next.
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When the day is done,
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And when it has begun,
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And all the time in between—
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There’s nowhere I’d rather be
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Than here with you and me,
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Cheek to cheek, with my baby.
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My child, will I know you?
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Will I know the problems you face?
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Will you come to me to feel safe?
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Please love carefully, sometimes quickly.
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And do your best which is not always “best”.
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These things are for sure though—
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A better life than mine you will know,
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And I’ll love you the rest of my days
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And whatever comes next
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“Cancer has no right to make my grandchildren cry.” —Soonyi (Sonia) Oliver (Kim), 2011
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