April 9th is my dad’s birthday. He would have been 76 this year. Sadly, he lost his life at the young age of 63, as did my mom. April 9th this year is also when we celebrate Easter.
I’ve been reflecting on “abandonment” lately and pray that this post will offer hope and healing for someone…
Abandonment feelings can result from someone physically leaving your presence for a time or forever, or from inattention and unmet needs from someone.
For me, feeling abandoned equated to being unloved and not valuable—to being easily dispensable. I do not want to think or feel that I am easily dispensable. (It takes work to shift this perspective!)
Regarding the person who I felt abandoned me—it would only be an issue if I felt they were of utmost value to me and loved deeply by me. It requires that I actually care what they think and thus desire their love and affirmation for my validity, for my value.
But is this really true?
Those who have “abandoned” others are regular broken people (we all are) no matter how much we esteemed them. Even when “abandoned”—that does not mean that my importance or validity went away; that does not mean that I am not loved. Sometimes when people leave, they believe it is the best option for all, such as in my parents’ (second and final) divorce.
That phrase “Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all”—this changes my perspective to thankfulness for the the relationship and what it taught me. Thankfulness for having been valued and loved by them. Thankfulness for having valued and loved them. (This is that great perspective shift.)
Of course, this is not at all to minimize the pain and sadness felt from the abandonment. These feelings really must be processed and not left stagnant and festering in your body, mind, and soul. (It can be very tormenting!) It was very difficult for me to “feel to heal” when my dad left when I was 10. Now, I let myself feel the sadness. I cry and I grieve. I hope and pray for healing—to not let the situation define who I am or my self-worth, or question if I am lovable.
I know it hurts to feel others’ pain; perhaps a bit more so for some of us empathic or highly sensitive people than others. I know it hurts knowing that I could be the cause of someone else’s pain. I know that others who’ve caused pain in me would not have wanted it to happen at all. But it does happen.
In these situations (and affirmations for us all)—
I will focus on God’s unconditional love for me first and foremost; people will always fail me.
God will never abandon me—God will always love and value me. (This is my identity!)
I don’t need validation from people.
No one can take away my value.
As a child I was loved and worthy, and I liked and loved myself then; I need to remember that I am still that loved and valued child. I am empowered and encouraged that this is the core of who I am, so why let these things (feeling unloved by someone or not valuable to someone) get in my way?
Live like this always—shine God’s light.
This is who I am.
This is my truth.
My worth and lovability are non-negotiable with everyone.
Again, my worth and lovability are non-negotiable!
I am non-dispensable.
I can do whatever I set my mind to do.
I do not need to worry about what other people think about me, whether or not I have somebody’s love, or whether or not I am valuable to somebody because it doesn’t matter because I—the essence of me—I am valuable, loved, and worthy. That’s how God sees me.
As a result of God’s love for me and my value to God, He allowed his very own son – – part God and part human– – to die for me so I can forever be with God, because God loved and valued me that much. He will never leave me or forsake me. He will never abandon me. I’m just too valuable and loved for that. As are you. Never ever question that. Your identity is in God. This is a reason to celebrate Easter. Thank you, dearest God. Thank you, dearest Jesus. Thank you, dearest Holy Spirit. Happy Easter, and happy life to all.
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